Wednesday, June 11, 2003

 
first two days of summer
current mood: accomplished
current music: Chevelle "send the pain below"

I passed precal with an 80 on the final and an 80 for the year. I never thought I'd ever be so happy to have a c for the year. Monday night I worked at the pool, and for the first time this season people actually came, because for the first time this season it actually *wasn't* raining. There were about 17 people at the pool not counting myself, speaking 3 different languages (Spanish, English, and either Korean or Chinese, I wasn't sure which) I think thats very cool. Its like being in NYC.
Tuesday we went and looked at cars, test drove two, and saw Bend it Like Beckham which was really good. And mom decided she didn't like the 4-cylendar Accord because the pickup was too slow, so It looks like we're gonna go for a toyota. I'm somewhat annoyed that its supposed to rain the rest of the week, because it will make it that much more difficult to get daddy out to the car lot to look and possibly haggle with salesppl. I also dislike this rain thing because it's supposed to rain on Tuesday. My road test is Tuesday. And I really, really, *Really* don't want to do my road test in the rain.
Today was practice in the morning, which went ok, although I would have much rather been sleeping in. No offense to anyone, but I really care considerably less about graduation this year as opposed to last year. Last year I actually had good friends leaving, where this year (for me at least) is more like 'good riddance'. Next year I'll care. Really, I promise, I will. Next year Jon will be leaving. (which I really really don't want to think about now or really ever for that matter...) We moved all the furniture out of the room after rehearsal. It really is freaky to see how big the band room really is without all the furniture in it. I was doing cartwheels and handstands and flips and stuff. It seems so much tinier with furniture in it. I said the same thing last year when we cleared the room before they put in the new carpet. Being the massive suckup I am I'll probrably be back Tuesday or whenever to help put all the furniture back, But also because it's just convenient since I'll (hopefully) be heading back over there Tuesday to attempt to get a parking sticker.
I got a lot of crap done today after practice. I drove to and from school this morning and was actually able to back out of my (annoying curvy hill) driveway without running over the lawn. This gives me hope for next week. I also cleaned my room and spend most of the afternoon fixing the blanket on my bed (something I've been meaning to do for months now.) Still, I have a pretty sizeable to-do list for myself which includes
-Redesigning this damn blog. The current layout sucks and I've known that for quite some time
-Finishing some of my various other projects
-Cleaning the bathroom.
posted by cindy 10:20 PM

Sunday, June 08, 2003

 
.5 days to freedom
current mood: upbeat
current music: New Order "bizzare love triangle" and other 80's dance-type stuff

Today was a good day. Slept in, went to the supermarket, went to work while the parents went car/electronics shopping. Dad got a new flatpanel monitor (niftyness) and yeah, they looked at cars 'n stuff. Last two exams tomorrow are history and chem. Funfun. and then I get to leave! Holy crap, after tomorrow I'm a junior.
it seemed like the overwhelming majority of the ppl at the pool today spoke very little english. I was actually able to have like a 15 minute conversation with some ppl though because I know some spanish and have reasonably decent pronunciation. I even got some of the verb tenses right. It made me feel better about Friday's spanish exam, and it also made me feel all superior to the losers taking languages they'll never actually use like German (douche!!!) and Latin. Nobody's online right now and it's kind of annoying me. I had more to say. Honest. I was in a really deep reflective mood last night after I got off at Anzi's, I decided to go sit out front under the awning (where everyone else goes to take periodic smoking breaks) and wait for my ride and just listen to the rain for awhile. Thinking about how much change annoys me, and how much sophmore year has really sucked for me. The whole Don thing, all the friendships that fell apart, Christmas Break From Hell 2, prom, precal, and now Mr. Forbis leaving. The optimistic part of me is thinking I'll make this summer and next year be better, the pessimistic part is thinking it can't concievably get much worse. I wanna fix all this crap finally. I had more to say, but I forgot it. And I'm gonna go do my mom's hair for her. Cuz I'm just nice like that.

posted by cindy 6:49 PM

Saturday, June 07, 2003

 
water under the bridge
current mood: good
current music: Foo Fighters "everlong"

Concert last night rocked. Even on the lawn in the rain. Allie and I were in bathingsuits alredy, so when it started pouring we all just said f*ck it to any and all extraneous clothing. I got asked for rolling papers a few times which I thought was hillarious since I'm probrably the most straight-edge person you all know. But apparently I "dance like a white person" so innocent bystanders probrably thought I was either stoned off my ass or having a seizure, maybe both. It was a good end to an otherwise stressful day.

I'm pretty sure I did fairly well on the spanish final (god bless 500 Spanish verbs...) but then there was the band final and yeah...I sat with Allie and Bry and we all just kind of fell apart when he made the announcement. I still can't beleive Forby is leaving us... We holed up in the music library with the kleenex box and cried en-masse for like a half hour. After that a crapload of us assembled at Brennas before heading out to Macaroni Grill for lunch. Originally it was me, Jon, Allie, Peter, Cheeks, Brenna, Bry, Libby, Wes, and this other kid Jon was giving a ride to the concert. But while we were at Brenna's Wes's mom called. His grandma died and he had to leave. *mental hug to Wes* so it ended up being 9 of us for lunch at macaroni grill which was fun until the whole check splitting incident, which kind of streesses me out. I don't like dealing with large groups of people and money, it's just nastiness, and apparently I was getting scarily pissy when we some how came up $15 short. (grr! why did they put everything on one check, it was a fricking party of 9!) LoL. I hope we do something similar again on Monday (except in a somehow less-complicated fashion) Which reminds me that I need to call some ppl (namely Brenna and Bry) later and see about how to work the gift thingydoo. (should we do it Monday or wait till the graduation rehearsal. That and ppl still owe me $$) anyway, I'm gonna grab some chocolate and head out to work...
posted by cindy 4:25 PM

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

 
death is upon us...
current mood: been better
current music: Chad Kroeger - "hero"

So yeah, two down 6 to go. Theory and english this morning went ok. I was less than thrilled with my theory grade. 90 on the exam and 91 for the year. Grr. . . English was easier, about half multiple choice and half essays. But I always do well in English and I really knew the stuff, so that one was no sweat.

Tomorrow though, is the dreaded Precal Exam. . . everybody that had it today except Noah said it was bad. I was expecting to flunk it to begin with, but even people that are smarter than me said it was bad. Ugh. I have that one first tomrorow. :P and then health, which I'm not expecting to be difficult in the least. 10th grade health is such a joke. I'm gonna miss having a required slack class next year. I should be studying for the precal right now, and I feel kind of bad that I'm not, but I recognize the futility of even trying. No matter how much I do study for it I'm just going to forget everything the second I get handed a test, because thats what always happens when I take a test in that class. Now there's a class I won't miss next year, even though it was great inspiration for depressing-ly funny haikus and Adam Sandler-esque poetry/song lyrics, which other teachers (specifically Mrs. Vaden and Mr. Forbis) found quite amusing. Maybe next year I'll submit to literary magazine. hehe. At the very least I can take comfort in the fact that it'll all be over soon.

And Friday I get to see the Chili Peppers. I think. I hope. I have tickets anyway. Either way Friday should be most awesome. Hope we have decent weather. (hehe. hooray lawn seats) Anyway I look forward to it muchly. Though I still can't understand how Snoop Dog came to be on the same bill as the Chili Peppers. They totally don't go together. My parents' advice for the concert:
don't dress skanky and don't piss off any Snoop Dog ppl, they'll kick your asses. LoL. I have such cool parents...

I wish more ppl were online right now. We should all get together and do something random and fun tomorrow in celebration of the fact that we've all got the precal exam over and done with. I still have to work at five, but whatever, that still leaves plenty of time. Today after exams I went home for a bit and then we went to walmart. I bought a bunch of cute shirts and a purse. I was pissed that they were out of The Animatrix which was the whole reason I went to walmart in the first place. Ran into Will, Robbie and Cooney while I was there and talked for a bit. Its kind of funny how whenever people see me in walmart (or anywhere else for that matter) they automatically assume I'm there with Jon. Hehe. I go over to ppl and say hi and everybody's like 'oh hey, whatsup? where's Jon?' But anyway I got some shopping done, and it was the first time I'd actually talked to Will in like, forever.

On another note entirely, Jon got me a crapload of chocolate for my birthday. He really knows how to make a girl happy.

That and this song will always make me think of Don singing in the shower. LoL...
posted by cindy 5:18 PM

Monday, June 02, 2003

 
happy birthday to me
current mood: contempt for all things involving trig identities or spanish verbs of any kind
current music: Chuck Mangione - "el gato triste", "land of make beleive", "children of sanchez"

Does anybody else find it unnerving how prone "celebration" and "children of sanchez" are to getting stuck in one's head and playing in an endless loop all day?

Anyway it's been a pretty good birthday for me all in all. I'm getting things done as far as planning for the summer and stoof. Made my reservation for the NYU tour. Still haven't gotten NightBeat tickets yet, but be warned; I'm bringing the family. Hehe. Please don't run away in fear. LoL. Really. You might find us entertaining.
Exams suck muchly. The bastard that decided to stop exemptions should be stopped. Its completely unfair to have one test completely screw up your year grade, no matter how hard you work in the class all year. It totally blows, and assures me an F in precal. grrr. I'm gonna go wig out some more about that...
posted by cindy 6:47 PM

Saturday, May 31, 2003

 
brain dead...
current mood: see above
current music: Alice In Chains "Heaven Beside you" / Coldplay "the scientist"


You are Neo, the chosen one, the slayer of agents
everywhere. A former nerd, you have evolved
into quite a stubborn hero.
Although Trinity is not that hot, at least you're
one of the few that can get some in the real
world.
You can stop bullets and you're immmortal; so what
the hell are you going to do in Matrix:
Reloaded?!

"Yeah. Wow, that sounds like a really good
deal. But I think I got a better one. How about
I give you the finger... and you give me my
phone call."


What Character From The Matrix Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

woohoo. Its all good as far as Mband. We got a lotta crap done today. Tomorrow we're celebrating my birthday. hooray me. I'm 16. On Monday I am anyway. Today was pretty exhausting with practice all day even though we got out early. work was...well...i got off early there too and it was probrably a good thing, because I doubt that I could've made it through the shift without ripping somebody's head off. The fact that it was storming out, our boss had the stereo and the tv on, ('super hits of the 60's" playing at the same time as a Linkin' Park concert on HBO...both at top volume) plus ringing phones and our new girl who I'm kinda helping train constantly asking me to fix things. I was exhausted, I had a massive headache and could've gotten violent....It got slow for awhile so our manager told us one of us should just go home, and our rookie cashier is like, well, chris (her bf, our main delivery guy) is her ride and her parents are out, so she has to stay. I was all too happy to go home so I called my dad. Tomorrow is the first day in forever that I'm not doing anything work-wise. I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but whatever.
Exams are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!!! why oh why did they have to quit exemptions? I'm not really worried about any of them...except for precal...and history. but thats only because Mr. D hates everyone. Precal is gonna suck....
posted by cindy 10:23 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

 
last lab day
last lab day for theory. I still cant beleive this year is almost over. There so much schoolwork to do it seems like there's no end in sight. And it's been raining almost every day for a month. its getting annoying.
posted by cindy 8:58 AM

Sunday, May 25, 2003

 
english....rain....work.....
current mood: a little off
current music: the new Deftones album...

Another busy week/weekend. I haven't stopped moving since my last entry, which is good for me. I have to always be doing something. If I'm at work all the time, I don't have time to go spend all the money I make. If I get home exhausted I just crash immediately, and I don't have time to think about whats bothering me. I've been working on my English portfolio thingy which is due Friday, but my concentration is shot now that it's raining. I worked at the pool most of today, had to be there early to open this morning and vaccum and all that fun stuff. With the exception of the one guy that came and was in the pool for all of 10 minutes, I basically got paid to sit around doing precal and working on my composition for theory. Then I went home, changed, and headed over to Anzi's, where I worked until close. One wouldn't expect so, but I actually got a lot of stuff done today. My parents are making me take next Sunday off for my birthday. I really don't care anymore. Its funny how I was so excited about my 16th birthday, but then everything fell apart and everyone quit caring, so I don't really care anymore either. If I go in to work and take the hours it'll be like admitting defeat, like I did doing dishes while everyone else was at prom. At the same time, if I go out to dinner with my family I'll feel like a loser. You're supposed to spend your 16th birthday partying with your friends. But that only works if you have friends. That give a damn. Everyone else is going to be at Carissa's party. I'm going to be at work, which I don't mind in the slightest. I get paid that day. And it's right before exams start anyway. Neither option will make me orgasmically happy, but either way I'll be content.
Things will slow down once school is over and done with, which will be a mixed blessing I guess. I'll be able to accomplish more (like finally redesigning this piece...) This week is a crapload of B days because of the messed up schedule, (hooray, lets play "celebration" a few hundred more times. Really, it grows on you after awhile. And for some reason it makes me think of reading Sluggy Freelance at one in the morning)
Its weird I had a lot more to say. I was feeling really calm and reflective driving home from work in the rain, thinking about stuff. It all just kind of evacuated my brain before I got a chance to sit down and write. How weird it seems when you really think about how much everything can completely change over the course of a year. Just one year. How people that used to be really tight, after that one year, feel moved to violent homicidal rage by just being in the same room together. How people drift, and fall away from eachother. Trust ceases to exist. The people that you thought were gonna be ok fall apart. The people that act ok, and do everything right, under the surface are the most fucked up people you know, and nobody realizes it. Some kind of emotional catalyst and wham, you have yourself a nervous breakdown. It weirds me out how even after so much has done a 180, some of the weirdest things *don't* change. The things it seems should be a dependent variable to something else. Feelings, habits, that haven't changed, a year later, when by all rational accounts, something should be different but isn't. The feeling is still there even though everything surrounding it, causing it, feuling it, has changed. And then there are the stupid little mundane things that you never thought you'd miss at all. Riding in Jon's car with the same few people, with the same cd on the stereo. I never really thought about it until driving home today; that era is over. Sarah and I aren't speaking. Don's gone. Since the whole thing it seems there's been a definite rift between me and Jon. Most of the cd's from last summer got lost or destroyed. It's not even the same car anymore. And it makes little difference anyway. This summer is going to change everything. It won't be everyone piling into the neon on random afternoons, or after practice. It'll be Jon getting in the truck, me in the tercel, and somebody driving Noah home, while everyone else gets in their own respective cars and drives away. It seems like everybody's leaving already. There's a distance between everyone. Or maybe just between me and everybody. I don't really know, I don't really care. I don't want it to be over, I dislike change. I want it to be like last summer, when ppl would randomly show up to see me at work, or throw together a spur-of-the-moment arbo-outing or pool party after work. Like everything, it didn't bother me until I really started thinking about it. I just feel...out there...alone...disconnected. Whatever. As long as I'm kept busy it's not a problem. It's not a problem now because I have stuff to do, but once school ends it'll weird me out considerably more because I'll have free time on my hands. I just hate how you can't really rely on anybody, or anything. How the things that should be permanent aren't, and the things that shouldn't be are. How, for all the instability with everything, I'm still the same. I'm just stubborn that way, and it's my own fault probrably, but everything's changing except me.
posted by cindy 1:02 AM

Sunday, May 18, 2003

 
long weekend....only not
current mood: tired.....
current music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - "soul to squeeze"

Long day, but good in the sense that I accomplished a lot financially. I now have a checking account, and I worked all day. It was an excercise in contrast; the pool was absolutely dead all day. As in, no human contact except for Whiskers bringing me lunch and asking if I was working at Anzi's tonight. And then the guy that was taking over at 3. Who was really hot, but that's beside the point. And then I went to work at Anzi's and it was chaotic and packed all night, and I was helping out our new girl, Ashley (I'm not the only girl that works there anymore. hooray!) We were playing with the idea of all going to see Matrix: Reloaded after closing, but by that point we were all exhausted and opted not to. We all hung out and talked and stuff after we finished cleaning up and were just putting crap away.
Don called my cell, and I talked to him for awhile as I was waiting for my ride. It was the first time it really occurred to me how long it's been since I'd last talked to him. It was weird and made no sense, but on the way home, in the car coming down Sardis Rd. I just had this weird feeling. This inexplicable feeling of dread, that something bad was going to happen. And then it kind of went away when we pulled into our neighborhood. I can't really explain it. Like something was definitly wrong, but nothing was, at the moment anyway. The last time I can remember feeling like that was right as we were pulling out of Stonecrest on Christmas day...
Tomorrow is work from 1-9 at the pool. Since its supposed to be rainy-ish and cold (again) I'm expecting another dead day. I'll get some chem and history done. Monday is the award ceremony thing at school. Apparently I won something and I'm supposed to be there. They won't tell me what, only that it *isn't* perfect attendance, though that would be logical (I do have perfect attendance, I have for the past few years, but that's apparently not why I have to be at the thingydoo)
and then Tuesday there's a doctor's appointment followed by the pops concert. woohoo. after that we can play "celebration" and "pomp and circumstance" till we kill eachother or ourselves. which ever. we'll be sick of it by june 10th.
posted by cindy 12:14 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2003

 
greetings from first block
current mood: random
current music: auralia noises

Precal test next block. I figure the highest score I can possibly get is like, a 20 and thats if I'm lucky. My work schedule this weekend is looking pretty crazy. Working at Anzi's tonight, Friday night, and Saturday night (friday is pay day), pulling an all-day shift at the pool on Sunday, and an 11-3 at the pool on Saturday. I have to miss
Matrix: Reloaded which I'm slightly-more-than-somewhat annoyed about. Apparently it's supposed to be cold and rainy this weekend, which makes the fact that I'm working at the pool seem like kind of a waste of time, but I just have to keep telling myself: I'm getting paid to sit on my behind all day. I can see the matrix next weekend or so.
posted by cindy 8:48 AM

Sunday, May 11, 2003

 
water under the bridge
current mood:
current music: Red Hot Chili Peppers "water under the bridge", "soul to squeeze"

Yesterday was a good day. I spent most of it at the work orientation/certification renewal thingydoo, which was crawling with eye candy. Got a few screennames...It was really nice outside, in the middle of nowhere, sitting by the pool watching them show us how to do stuff we already know how to do, like prime a vaccum and test chemicals. It was clear and sunny and warm with a pleasant breeze. I was making small talk with a few of the other guards (two hot freshies from PHS.) and Jon called me on my cell, really excited about something, but I told him it'd have to wait till after I got home. I caught a ride to the recertification thingy with our regional supervisor, and got all the reasonably important info about where I'll be working. Apparently there are only two other guards besides myself, its' a one-guard facility, and the most people i'm ever likely to see at the pool at one time is like, 5. He said as long as the place is clean and in order, feel free to bring a book. I should expect a lot of hours, and am considering getting a mini fridge for the guard house, in which I will stash soda and a lot of leftovers from Anzi's. (yummy cold pizzaaahhhhhh!!!!!!)
I passed my recirt (hoorah!) and went to grab a bite to eat and do the supermarket shopping with my folks. When I got home I put stuff away and called Jon back. I'd barely said more than "hi" and his response was "I'll be over in 5 minutes"
Jon has a pimpin' new ride. So when he rang the doorbell me and my parents went out to check out his new truck. It rocks. We went out for the evening and hung out at his house playing video games for awhile (I suck at video games, and he was fragging the crap out of me) until Brad got there and we went to Wal-mart to get crap for the truck. He'd already installed the same stereo that was in the neon so we listened to Linkin' Park on the way there, where we purchased the mexican-themed smiley antenna ball, and looked at a bunch of other stuff. I looked at refrigerators, the one I'll probrably end up getting was about $73. So after that we went to Barnes and Noble (following the 'parking space incident') and sat around looking at truck/computer parts while Brad salivated over the latest issue of Maxim. We got halfway down 51 coming home when inspiration struck.....
"dude, let's paint the rock"
"can we write f--- providence again?"
"better idea! how bout your mother?"
"DUDE!"
"lets go back to walmart and get spraypaint"
so we did. and as far as we know, the PHS rock still reads "your mother" (what, it's mothers' day!) We got back to my house and threw the emergency football around in the cul-de-sac for about an hour, which was only interrupted when we thought it was stuck in the tree. Brad was halfway up the tree when I found it in the sticker bushes in my neighbor's yard. It was still pretty funny.
I miss crap like this. We don't do it nearly often enough.
posted by cindy 6:54 PM

Friday, May 09, 2003

 
chocolate after work
current mood: nifty
current music: SOAD "innervision", Led Zeppelin "misty mountain hop"

I've spent the past few days freaking out in anticipation of today's world hisory test. I even had a nightmare about it last night in which I went to take the world history test, and it included all 3 essays written entirely in spanish (preterite form) and several conic sections problems, plus rhythmic and melodic dictation. Needless to say I woke up this morning in a cold sweat.
The multiple choice wasn't too hard, and the essay was something that nobody was expecting, but something that I knew almost word for word because I thought it was one of the only interesting parts of the required reading. Still, the exam in that class is going to be a biyatch. Work tonight was slow as crap for a Friday, but good all the same. We watched The Matrix. Tomorrow is all training and orientation stuff for my other job. W007!
I'm looking forward to lifeguarding again. Mom told me she talked to my 4th grade teacher at work the other day, coincidentally I worked with her daughter last summer, and she isn't working there again for pretty much the same reasons as me. Something about being outside (albeit in 105 heat, smearing on spf 45 every 10 minutes...) on a perfectly clear day lounging around, free to stare at the infinite blue of the sky and the contrast of the lush green on the trees. It makes me feel totally at peace. I need sunshine. I think it's why I'm such a mess in the winter.
Haven't been thinking about Don much lately. I guess thats a good sign. I had a really unsettling dream last week. I mean I still do think about him a lot, but now there are more pressing matters on my mind. I've got so much stuff going on at the moment. I'm all psyched up for next week. I dunno if it's worth anything but I've really been working. the only day next week I don't have some major thing scheduled is tuesday. We're going to a college fair/seminar/planning-ish thingy on monday night and then audition week starts wednesday. While I'm itching to redesign this site it may have to wait. I really have to get moving as far as getting ready for finals.
I feel all motivated and comfortable. For right now It's all good.
posted by cindy 11:40 PM

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

 
not quite humpday
current mood: accomplished
current music: A Perfect Circle "orestes"

Well the WE audition is over and done with, and I completely bombed it. But that's ok. I'm gonna rock concert band next year. W007! The weather today was sucktacular, not because of the rain, but because of the nasty damp cold-ness. *mleh* I was expecting to get completely confuse-ified in Chem today, but we had a sub and more than half the class was out for AP's, so we just watched a video and did busywork. Got a lot going on these next two weeks. Work over the weekend, recirtification and lifeguarding stoof, college thingydoo on the 12th, mothers' day, and DM auditions 'n such. I've been listening to all the show music and stuff, and i'm really looking forward to next season, whether i get anything out of it or not. It has the potential to really rock, I think.
I just realized that most of my recent entries focus on such random and mundane crap. LoL. I haven't really been going into depth on feelings or opinions lately. That's probrably a good thing, considering my opinions tend to do little but piss people off, and I don't seem to really feel much of anything anymore. It's nice to know I'm accomplishing what I need to and keeping my motivation up. This blog needs to get redesigned, the white-based color scheme was a mistake. I've got a cool idea for a Matrix-based layout which could be really awesome, it's just a matter of me sitting down and playing with photoshop for a few hours, which I know I won't have time for this weekend because there's so much going on. I'll get to it eventually. That and making plans for my birthday. Whatever we do is gonna be 06.01.03, sandwitched in between band practice and exams. My dad's gonna be at a con that saturday anyway, so even if we didn't have band practice all day we couldn't do it then. i don't have much else to say.
posted by cindy 10:23 PM

Sunday, May 04, 2003

 
hell.
current mood: bored
current music: Foo Fighters "everlong"

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
posted by cindy 3:32 PM

Saturday, May 03, 2003

 
Saturday night
current mood: tired
current music: Lighthouse - "one fine morning"

It's odd how I'm so exhausted yet I haven't actually done much of anything today. Probrably because I got up early on a Saturday. Messes up my biorythyms or whatever. (IT'S JUST NOT NATURAL!!!!!!) So mom's in NY for the weekend, and we went shopping, went to lunch, saw x-men 2. Since mom's gone we can all indulge in massive ammounts of icecream, cadbury eggs, and other junkfood that she wouldn't approve of, and we got all the mother's day stuff, which is coolness. Got paid this week, and was thrilled that I managed for the first time in a year probrably, to go to the mall and not spend any money. I should go to the mall with my dad more often. Even with mom gone I still managed to get all my laundry done and clean the bathroom. (see, the house doesn't become *completely* normal with my mom gone, I'm still here being anal.) But yeah, we bought somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 boxes of cadbury eggs, and 4 things of edys icecream (buy-one-get-one-week at harris teeter. ^_^ )
Last night at work it was crowded as hell during the storm. Tonight it was dead, so we sat around, watched tv and goofed around. It was so slow that our manager actually fell asleep for about 15 minutes until the phone rang and woke him up. Got off somewhat early (for a saturday night) and went over to Jon's, where I hung out with him and Brad for awhile. Went outside and threw a football around in the thunderstorm. No big power outages tonight, but last night there were, including, the other side of the street, the one that has *never* lost power in the 8 years we've been in Charlotte, even when we'll have a power outage for days. So I holed up in my room with my computer and my christmas lights on and the blinds open to let them all see that *muahahaa! not only do we have lights this time, we have christmas lights! biteme!* Maybe I'm just mean-spirited and evil, but it felt so good.
the finer things in life
I notice myself more and more taking notice of the 'finer things in life' as it were. I'll sit back in class or at work or the supermarket and just take in the scenery, if you know what I mean. Hot guys are everywhere. None of them would ever consider dating me, and probrably for good reason, but it's nice to check people out sometimes. Guys do it all the time, why shouldn't we? Although everybody's pretty well out of my league, there's some real eye candy at work, and my world history class is basically wall-to-wall hot (if incredibly stupid and immature) guys. And while I'm not really interested in dating anyone at the moment save for maybe one person, I really just enjoy looking, even at people that I can't stand. I was sitting in history the other day bored to tears wanting nothing more than for Dickerson to stop talking, and somehow Scotland and Australia get mentioned, and this for some reason makes me think of Moulin Rouge, which makes me think of Ewan Macgregor, and renders me basically braindead for the rest of the period. I also on numerous occasion find myself staring at a particularly attractive guy in that class a few rows over from me. Such distractions are what have been keeping me stable as of late. And they certainly are nice distractions.
posted by cindy 11:37 PM

Thursday, May 01, 2003

 
Current Dress: huge stretched-out lifeguard shirt from last summer, soffe shorts
Current Makeup: none right now, but pink & purple eyeshadow earlier
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "Children of Sanchez" stuck in my head (and the season hasn't even started yet...)
Current Taste: cherry tootsie pop
Current Hair: air dried (= a big wavy curly mess)
Current Annoyance: Everything
Current Smell: shampoo that smells like gummi bears
Current thing I ought to be doing: history outlines
Current Favorite Artist: Chuck Mangione (i am officially the biggest loser in history)
Current Favorite Group: Dave Matthews Band
Current CD in car: no cd player in car. but I have every tool and deftones album ever made on my iriver (including some rare import/live/bootleg stuff). and APC.
Current DVD In Player: Either Moulin Rouge or 1st season of the simpsons. not sure which
Current Color Of Toenails: shiny and purple
Current Worry: not so much worries as frustrations. But world history and you-know-who
Current Crush: I wouldn't really call it a crush. Maybe lack of closure...
Current Favorite Celebrity: Ewan MacGregor *sigh*

LOVE

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: nope
Longest Relationship: a year/year and a half, if that really counts
Shortest Relationship: 2 days
Been in love w/ more than 1 person?: no
Sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: Came to see us play at an away game in the pouring rain, when I didnt' expect him to show up, going to chilis with all us sweaty, hyper, crazy band people. Taking me home from the party when I got sick.
Meanest thing a guy/girl has done to you?: dumped me at prom
Ever broke someone's heart?: I doubt I have that kind of power. If I did I'd use it for good.
Someone break your heart?: uh, yeah. where've you been?

LAST PERSON...

You Talked To: mandy
You Hugged: Elisa, whom i sit next to in precal
Instant Messaged: my sister's boyfriend *eyeroll*
You Yelled At: probrably either mandy or beav, cant remember which
Who Broke Your Heart: a certain biology major at state who will not be named at this time

FAVORITE...

Food: stuffed crust pizza (i feel like such a traitor)
Drink: coke
Color: black
Shoes: my saucony sneakers or none at all
Candy: chocolate.
Animal:
TV Show: The Simpsons
Movie: Moulin Rouge & The Matrix
Dance: the spazzy whitegirl boogie. (in other words, me consuming large ammounts of caffiene &/or sugar and embarassing myself)
Veggie: corn
Fruit: grapefruit

ARE YOU...

Understanding: only with certain people
Open-minded: depends...
Arrogant: somewhat
Insecure: if i was i'd never admit it
Interesting: at times, i suppose
Hungry: nope
Friendly: at times overly so
Smart: other people think i am because i use big words. I promise i'm not.
Moody: one week out of evey month, yeah.
Childish: not really
Independent: yup
Hard Working: more than you
Organized: at school yes, at home hell no
Healthy: reasonably so
Emotionally Stable: amazingly so, considering
Shy: Hell. No.
Difficult: probrably.
Attractive: Richard said i was hot once, but i think he was kidding. you be the judge.
Bored Easily: i'm doing this survey aren't i?
Messy: at home, yes.
Thirsty: now that you mention it...
Responsible: never missed a day of work or marching band, and i've had perfect school attendance for the past 3 years. I'd say so.
Obsessed: with schoolwork, probrably.
Angry: at the moment for no real reason, i have an urge to lash out violently at any human being i come in contact with
Sad: only when I let myself think about it too much
Happy: enough that i'm stable.
Talkative: does the sun rise in the east?
Legal: not yet.
Original: voted most original by the '01-'02 Pride Of Providence. The certificate is on my bulletin board. ^_^
Different: oh yeah.
Unique: ditto
Ignored: more than i'd like to be. I compensate by being really loud.
Reliable: see "responsible"
Content: there's only one thing i really want in life right now, so i guess.
Optimistsic: ironically about the one thing i shouldn't be optimistic about
Deep Thinker: it is my gift...it is my curse
Self-disciplined: i wish
Sleepy: nope
Lonely: i have a cell phone nobody calls (except my boss) an email address thats always empty, and work on friday & saturday night is ususally the highlight of my week. no. i'm not lonely. not at all...
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...

Kill: wes, matt, that's it really
Get Really Drunk With: Jon & Noah (of course) and also Don, Beav, and Justine
Tickle: um...nobody
Look Like: Me, but with less acne and more cooperative hair.
Be Like: Me, but less irritating.
Talk To: Don & Jon
posted by cindy 10:30 PM

Monday, April 28, 2003

 
now with 20% more Monday!
current music: Ben Folds Five -"philosophy", Dave Navarro - "Rexall"
current mood: motivated

I didn't really notice the 12 extra minutes until last block chem, the class (besides wh and precal) that I spend most of the period staring at the clock wanting to leave anyway. It's still an annoyance, but whatever. Mband meeting was today, and the show is either gonna be the blast jazz thing or Chuck Mangionne. (I'm hoping for the latter.) And DM auditions are the 14th-16th. I'm trying out even though it means postponing Matrix: reloaded until the weekend (the ultimate sacrifice!) and the fact that, y'know, realistically we all know Leslie will win. But its all good, I basically just want the practice. As far as the big random open-forum discussion on why things always seem to go to hell and so many people are leaving, we should do that kind of crap more often. Either way, I hope next season kicks some major ass whether there's any remote chance of me making leadership or not. The show music should be really awesome and I hope we get some really nifty stands tunes this year. ("one fine morning" and "vehicle" would be nice....) I had a few random thoughts about show themes that would be really awesome. Moulin Rouge would be sweet, but even niftier would be like, an all prog-rock thing. Like, have Yes as a show theme, if they could find some way to arrange that. I just had this random thought in my head of an entire show based around "your move" or "i've seen all good people". My dad's corrupting me, I'm really beginning to get into prog rock, can you tell?
Precal test on the morrow, and world history. neither of which i'm particularly looking forward to considering those are the two classes I despise the most. (funny, I used to like history) I've been trying to study for the precal, but I just realized, hey wait, its conic sections. I didn't understand it last time we did it, why should now be any different? So I just gave up. Tomorrow is going to suck. But the day after that at least will be decent. And I'm not working Thursday again. But I just feel like at least if I'm giving up on the precal I should at least work on some scales and the WE peice, even though there's no real point. I did get a lot done today, including edits on my English paper, getting that cd finished for Jon, and and most of the chem hw. I can't beleive it's 8 pm already. It's so light out. I love the spring. Today I wore my big fluffy patchwork skirt that I made. I love that skirt. It's just really comfy. So I wore that with a tank top. I'm really random but I can't help it.
posted by cindy 8:03 PM

Sunday, April 27, 2003

 
boring day
current music: Polaris - "hey sandy"
current mood: braindead, but in a good way

Today was nice. Drove to the arb, went to old navy and barnes and noble, bought some stuff, came home from the arb. As I was driving home the idea struck me that I still had to work on my english paper, even though it isn't due until Wednesday, I want to at least have her look it over tomorrow if possible. But I was noticing when we were at the arb how nice it was outside, it was that perfect temperature where you can wear shorts and a tank top and be not too hot or cold. I really wasn't looking forward to holing up in my room and writing a paper and would much rather enjoy being outside. So the idea struck me to take my dad's old laptop that he never uses anymore (win 95) and sit out on the backyard patio with a glass of lemonade and the umbrella up, listening to Dave Matthews Band on my iriver and typing my paper in a leisurely and beautiful setting. So thats what I did. I just sat out in the back at the patio table sipping my frosty glass of lemonade, listening to my iriver, typing my literary analysis of All Quiet on the Western Front, looking at the perfect clear sky and thinking to myself 'this is the life'. Or as close to it as I'll ever get. Maybe that says something that my little weekend backyard paradaise includes typing an english paper on a laptop. Woohoo!
On another less-pleasant note, I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow being 12 minutes longer to make up for a day that nobody was goign to show up anyway. June 11? wtf? The teachers have to turn grades in on the 10th, presumably they do attendance the same way. It would have been a bullshitter of a day if we even had to go at all. If they were going to do this to try and keep from having a makeup day, why can't we just have labor day back, since about half the people are gonna be out of town that day *anyway*. Is it just me or is Char-Meck retarded?
posted by cindy 9:23 PM

 
just rolled out of bed
current music: Nirvana - "you know you're right"
current mood: sarcastically cheerful (but really seething)

The weather yesterday was really bipolar. Like it would find a way to be sunny and thundering at the same time. I was really hoping for a thunderstorm in the evening, but that didn't happen. I went to the mall with mom in the morning and bought a bunch of shirts & some makeup. Called Don, purely for the hell of it, but he was at his girlfriend's for the weekend ('oh you remember what today is right." ...oh yeah. how could I forget.) If I had friends I would have been out partying with them last night, but I don't, so I went to work instead, which was amazingly slow for a Saturday night. So since the counter was pretty much dead and there was nothing good on TV I went in the back to get a head start on the dishes, partially because everyone else was going to cityfest to see the foo fighters after closing, and thus, wanted to get cleanup done as soon as possible, and partially because I felt fairly shitty and didn't wanna freak out on any customers. So I did the dishes and scrubbed the hell out of all the pots and bins and stuff while singing along with the radio loudly and probrably badly. I clocked out and went home to grab a bite to eat and bum around some more. I had to finish up my laundry so I did. And when I got home everybody was watching this weird Japanese game show on TNN "most extreme elimination challenge" which was the most hillarious thing I've seen in awhile and improved my mood considerably. Basically they have all these people attempting these extrememly dangerous stunts for seemingly no reason, and the hosts dress even more flamboyantly than the dued on Iron Chef. They dub the entire thing in English, but you can tell they make up a lot of the dialogue, which only makes it more amusing; it was the kind of stuff they would never get away with in America. So we watched this for about an hour before Iron Chef came on. Apparently it was the series finale 'battle of supreme iron chef" or something, and the theme ingredient was lobster. As always, most of the dishes resembled puke. I found it kind of sad that it was basically the end of iron chef. Not that they wont' still be showing it, there just won't be any more new ones.
As nice a day as it is today, I'll probrably spend it working on my english paper and maybe reviewing the chem and precal, finishing up a hawaiian shirt I've been working on. Considering pre-established patterns, the race will be on downstairs and I'll probrably catch some of that. Dunno where it is today. hehe. Hooray for driving around in circles.

posted by cindy 11:11 AM

Friday, April 25, 2003

 
rainy friday
current music: A Perfect Circle - "magdalena"
current mood: eh...

tried to blog during theory but the blogger site was down, so read sluggy and my email, and messed around some on nationstates. There are so many of us posting crap now that our little regional message board is almost more like a real time chat with a bad lag. Its sad lately that nothing seems to improve my mood like a rousing game of winsolitare or wasting time on nationstates. . .
I had a really morbid thought earlier. Like, when AP bio dissected all the cats all the preppy girls were all like 'Oh my god, they're in there cutting up kitty cats! They're killing kitties! OH NO!!!' and everybody thinks its really sad that the animal shelters put them down after awhile and all (which is why the bio classes dissect cats in the first place). It got me thinking, sort of from the cat's perspective. In that sort of situation, most of them are just there, some get adopted and some don't. The ones that don't end up getting put to sleep. Anyway I was thinking, in that sort of situation, if I was the kitty nobody wanted, maybe death wouldn't be such a bad thing. They're completely alone and nobody wants them. Odds are probrably good that nobody ever will. I think if I was that alone and unwanted in life, with no possible hope of improvement, it probrably woudn't be that bad.
Anyway work tonight, which should be nice and crowded considering this lovely weather we're having, and supposed to have all weekend, though it seems to have stopped raining for the time being at least.
posted by cindy 3:52 PM